Saturday, June 9, 2012

{Remember, if you want music with this, which I love,
have to scroll down to the bottom, go to Playlist, and click 'Play' on the first song.  ANNOYING.}
Well, hello summer.
We've missed you.  Glad your back. 
Oh yeah.  We're kickin' it off right at our house.
A little Spongebob (who I despise and love all at the same time.)
Partly because for whatever reason, my kids can't function when he's on.
Partly because. . .my kids can't function when he's on.
Get what I'm sayin'?
A little fast food for dinner, lounging in pj's 'cause we've got nowhere to be.
Sounds good to me.
Kindegarten graduation had me blubbering.  
There's nothing like those milestone moments in parenting, from birth to every birthday following, 
all the in-betweens
that bring in to greater focus, 
the unrelenting momentum of time.
Although most days in the life of raising small children,
it seems to move at a snails' pace, 
it is THESE moments that prove otherwise.
Where time stands still.
Long enough to remind you tomorrow is already here.
The moments that beg to question,
"What?  Wasn't I just handed a little, pink, screaming baby yesterday?  "IT'S A GIRL!"  
Wasn't I just spoon feeding you peas on a little rubber spoon, getting more of them spat back at me?
Weren't you just clinging to my morning sweatpants?  Wasn't I prying your fingers from the mini van door to get you in to preschool?"
And now.
Bittersweet.
It is THE best word to describe the roller coaster of emotions we experience as we come to each milestone.  Wanting to move ahead, yet yearning to go back.  At least I do.
Gracie was awarded the 'Friendship' award at school.
I had to bite my tongue to keep from unraveling completely.
More than science, math, history,
THIS is what makes it all worthwhile for me. 
Yes, a laminated 'certificate' that will get lost in the shuffle amongst painted hand prints, first hand-written sentences with backwards b's and d's,
but THAT made me more proud than anything.
Her teacher wrote,
"...I love how good of a friend you are.  You made sure that all your classmates were taken care of and happy.  Thank you for showing them your kind heart.  I hope you always continue to show your compassion to friends as you grow up. . ."
That is my Gracie.  And if I teach her ANYTHING, help her to 'keep' anything about her, that is it.
Empathy, compassion, kindness, thoughtfulness. 
So we forge ahead, in to the next season.
The days of waking slowly,
to sunlight pouring through lace curtains,
And I'm sorry, but is there anything that says summer like soft pink peonies in old milk jars?
Ah, yeah.  There is.
Husbands taking mid-afternoons naps under a book, a Corona close at hand.  That says summer.
And new spoons I bought, just for the kids to scoop up milk and clang against morning cereal bowls. 
I love you, ETSY.
So, we welcome you summer.
To offer up the best you've got.  
And we welcome you by celebrating another school year,
with a trip to our local Mexican establishment.
For frozen daiquiries, burritos the size of your head,
some good 'ol picture takin' to solidify this momentous day.
The transfer of school to summer.
The greatest day in a kids' life.
{Except for Charlie, who's pissed his quesadillas haven't shown up yet.}
Making summer wishes in the fountain.
Gracie told me her wishes would only come true if she used quarters.
Yeah.  Okay.
Taking our first visit to the devil that is Cherry Berry.
I swear, all three kids started foaming at the mouth when they saw their own cups to fill, ice cream dispensers within arms reach, enough toppings to fill Willy Wonka's place.
I threw up in my mouth.
But it IS the last day of school.
Have at it.
But if you throw up tonight, it's your own fault.
Charlie OD'ing on frozen yogurt.
Awhile after we got home, Charlie was wandering around in the living room,
a sugar-high stupor, I'm sure.
But he was pretending he was on a phone, talking to whoever, 
having a very in-depth conversation.
"Oh.  Yeah.  I see.  Oh!  I know!  Ok, Gampa.  Talk to you later."
But he wasn't holding a phone.  I was so confused.
Until I saw this.
Yeah.  That's a phone.  A BARBIE phone.  In his ear.
It's going to be that kind of summer, isn't it?
Trouble.
But also sprinklers.
Slip n' Slide's.
New board games.
{Headbanz.  A good one.}
Yes.  Yes you are.  a TUNA sandwich.
Sidewalk chalk fun with daddy (when mom's out working.)
Or the hit from last summer,
Thanks, honey. 
Regardless, I have moments (ah, at least 5 nights a week,)
where I'm hurled awake in the dark of night, by a noise, a cry, a cough, maybe a full bladder.
But I wake quickly, drag myself out of bed to investigate, husband sleeping soundly at my side,
to peek my head into little bedrooms lit by Buzz Lightyear night lights and closet lights, the hall light that shines from the bathroom, 
to recover arms and hands, little feet and toes splayed freely,
back under covers, heads back on to pillows, maybe check foreheads for heat and offer one more goodnight kiss, even though it's 2:42am.
And in those moments, as I pad silently from room to room, half asleep, that I feel like I'm in the twilight zone.
It always takes a minute to register. . .
Where am I?
This house is mine?
These. . .children?  Mine?
All of them?
These nice rugs and beautiful images in beautiful frames of our beautiful life. . .mine?
And at that hour of the night, it seems an impossible notion.
But in the dark and silence and a few seconds of eye-rubbing recognition of this impossibility, when our life seems but a dream, 
I wake up.
Become aware, again.
That I am here.
That this is real.
That I am grateful.
Grateful they are here. 
They are safe.
And they are mine.
The love for this life shines through me like the light from the bathroom through the hallway.
Penetrating every ounce of my being,
no matter how dark it is around me.
A beacon in the most treacherous of seas,
tossing me a line and hoisting me up 
to the beauty of being a mother, no matter how terrifying.
How trying.
How frustrating.
Waking to each new morning, more thankful than the one before.



1 comments:

gabbygrace said...

I can't stop giggling about that Barbie phone, LOL!!! Lovely post as always! :)

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