I heart beards.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Okay.  As a mom (particularly a stay-at-home one,)
we have these. . .things.  
Sort of like facial ticks, little gliches in the firing of synapses in our brains,
random cursing out loud or talking to ourselves quietly, because we've lost it completely.
Things that occur naturally due to the course our lives have taken, in to the mutha'hood,
the winding roads, 90 degree turns and dead ends that have somehow taken us off the map,
from selflessly caring for little ones.
It just happens. 
And SOME of us (not naming names,)
acquire. . .eh. . .obsessions along with those questionable behaviors.
Some are healthy. . .like going for a run before the kids get up.
Meeting a friend for coffee on the same day each week.
Praying before the kids rise.  Whatever.
But there are the not-so-healthy.
The things that take us out of this insane life, temporary escapes from the monotony of parenting where we are allowed to daydream about another life. . .just for a bit.
Like stockpiling all movies with the baby goose in it.
Tevo-ing every episode of the Real Housewives and watching it with a bar of chocolate every night after the kids are in bed.
Spending a small fortune on US weekly and Star magazine.  Total filth.
Or watching the Jersey Shore and being secretly enamored with 'The Situation.'
Whatever.  You know what yours are.
ONE obsession in particular, has shamefully grown to great proportions, 
my (personal) obsession with bearded men.
Don't ask.  It just is.  I love them.  Nothing says rugged and tough and I.AM.MAN like a wooly full-grown beard.
Not a goatee, not a stache, a BEARD.
I'm married to a very rugged man, who can rock a Carhartt jacket and steel-toed boots like it's no one's bid-ness.  Do pull-ups and fix stuff, but, no beard. . .and one that won't grow if he tries.
So i fantasize.
Beards say bad-ass & cuddly bear all in one breath.  
BUT beards are hard to come by in Stillwater, MN.
SO, in honor of moms like me and our ridiculous and kinda' creepy obsessions, and to hunt down the best beard in Stillwater, MN,
We're having a contest starting TODAY through our new FB page, Moms of Stillwater.
Here are the rules:
1.  You must like or have 'liked' our FB page and be a Stillwater resident to submit.
2.  NO goatee's, no mustaches, no peach fuzz.  Must be a full beard.
(No matter how gross.)  Oh brad, we heart you.  You can do no wrong.
3.  Only one photo per mom and you must submit your photo to our FB page.
(if you have trouble with this, just email us and we'll get it up there for ya'.)
4.  The beard MUST be Stillwater, MN grown.  Local.  Organic.  No downloading off the internet, capturing random guys off the street in St. Paul (don't cheat.  we'll know.)  AND attached to your uploaded picture must be either said bearded man's favorite Stillwater spot or how many years he's lived here. . .anything that pertains to Stillwater that you can attach to the photo.
5.  If the man you pull up to on main street and ask to take his picture is looking at you bug-eyed and trying to escape, just say you need a pic of his beard.  You do not need to include his eyes or the rest of him.  Just the beard.
That's it!
Oh!  What's the prize?
A ONE HOUR MASSAGE, LADIES!  A FFFRRRREEEEEEE ONE HOUR MASSAGE AT STUDIO ONE YOGA, where some of the best local massage therapists reside.  
All bearded men pictures submitted will be tossed in a hat Friday at 5pm, one lucky lady drawn randomly, as long as you've adhered to the above rules.  
{IF for some reason you don't live in Stillwater but want to partake in the fun and know someone that lives here, you could donate your prize too, should you win, go right ahead.)
Just to confirm. . .
 {Justin, I love you.}
Ah, yes, have some (Christian Bale.)
Yep.  Aha.  Jake. . .who knew?
Little Zacky Efron is even rockin' a mini-beard these days (and has me feeling like a cougar.  weird.  we WILL accept a 'lighter' beard too, like this.)
And my top fave bearded men. . .
Zac Brown.  Love.
AND Zack Galifianakis.  {Hey.  Don't judge.  I think he's adorable.}
What's with the 'Zacs' anyway?
So, although we spent a quiet Sunday evening pouring over beards, on creepy patrol for what's acceptable in this 'BEST BEARD OF STILLWATER' contest, it's for a good cause,
YOU, mama!  For all your hard work and helping draw a crowd at our FB page.  You deserve a break.:)

{HINT.  HINT.  There are some FAB bearded men at our own 45 degrees (a sweet, little sanctuary of northern goodness if you haven't been, on Main street,) a lovely bearded server at Domacin Wine Bar and a lovable bearded yoga instructor at THE Studio One Yoga, who is kindly partaking in these mommy shenanigans and offering up the aforementioned fantastic prize.  

Contest ends Friday Mar. 16 at 5pm.  One beard per mama.  Winner=FREE ONE HOUR MASSAGE.  (Babysitting not included.  Sorry.:)


BEES'NETTA said...

This makes me so happy...

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