it's hot.

Monday, July 18, 2011

really?  really?  mother lovin' Minnesota.
i hate you and i love you.
seven months of winter, held hostage in the house with children, 
under piles of snow and un-Godly temps,
and yet i find myself again, in the middle of what is supposed to be the 'promise land' for Minnesotans. . .
our summer.
cooped up like all winter-like,
due to un-Godly temps.
only the extreme other end.  weather TOO hot to be outside in.
huddled in the house in sweatshirts and socks next to the AC.
outdoor humidity that smothers you like a pillow over your face.
we're moving.  it's not fair.  God gave this state pristine lakes, picturesque falls, beautiful storms and snowy Christmases, but clearly, because of those awesome things, wasn't too concerned about the ratio of cold to hot days, the nats, mosquitoes and unbearable humidity in between.  
can't have it all i guess, right?
but that's why we need to move.  
i do love so much about MN, and our families are here.
but life is too short to spend in this God forsaken weather nightmare.
our only happy medium is september to mid-october, when it's breathtaking and flawless.
and that's just not enough my friends.  we deserve more.
and so begins my lobbying for a move.
a big, fat move, to another place.
more predictable and less miserable.
because this is b.s.
that's all i have to say about that.
back to summer.
DESPITE my rage against our current sitch,
i DO love those days as a parent,
these summer days,
when all is right with the world.
and those days are rare.  but when they appear, i hold on tight,
as if it were a gift from God himself (unlike this disgusting weather,)
a day where we're just in a groove and it can't be messed with.
the 4th of july has come and gone.  what i used to believe signified that summer was half over,
is now saying to me, "dig your heels in girl, summer has only just begun."
and that's much better.
a small town parade filled with tractors, fire trucks, beauty queens,
more candy tossed out than we know what to do with
(actually, it's going to become the candy we give out on halloween.)
sweltering heat, red-faced babes.  the 4th was and IS everything that is American.  and it was (is) awesome.
and we continue to nestle in to our summer routine, finding OUR rhythm as a family,
what works for us, these long, hot summer days,
what doesn't.
and on those magical days, that seem flawless, perfect,
i always find my myself asking why?  what did i do today that made it so wonderful?
how can i repeat it so that tomorrow is just as wonderful?
it all comes back to the same.damn.thing.
i've learned that you get what you get,
despite your militance, routine and "plans,"
based on the attitude you wake up with or move forward.
approach the day with.
your attitude at any given moment, truly makes or breaks everything.
kids+life have a way of throwing ALL of the best laid plans by the wayside,
leaving you to fend for the remnants, learn flexibility and the ability to say,
"well.  that didn't go how i thought it would.  but oh well.  let's try again. 
or let go, and move on."
and some days it seems to take ALL of my patience to keep it in check.
but when i do. . .oh, the loveliness that ensues.
it's on these days, these days of 'perfection,' or as close to perfection as one can get,
that i want to freeze it all, not only my sense of peace and appreciation,
but there's.
say, "ok!  we're good here.  let's just stay put here for awhile."
everyone is happy, healthy and getting along.  and mommy is sitting and soaking it all up.
rare, to be in that place.
children don't stay put and neither does life.
so we keep plugging away, no matter our circumstances
and look forward to more of those beautifully perfect moments and all the little joys in between.
charlie was looking at a picture of himself in his room,
one of him in his crib and he said,
"mom?  can i have my baby bed?"  (in his own little 2-year-old speak.)  but i got it.
"you want your crib back?  you're a big boy now!  you have a big bed."
"no, i want my baby bed."
and wouldn't i give anything to set that crib back up and stick him right back in.  go back in time.
spend late nights and early mornings nursing in his rocking chair, 
holding his little body close.
but we can't go back, obviously.
so we do our best to appreciate where we are and how far we've come.
right now, my kids won't stray to far from me.
#1.  because they know they'll get in trouble.
#2.  because they still need us.  they want and need the comforts of the nest.  and that is such a great place for us, as parents, to be.
i feel at this stage of parenting, with young children still at home,
we can "sort of" keep a lid on things.  we can keep them in the yard, within an arm's reach,
life can easily be made simple if we so choose,
schedules can be made predictable and be enforced.
i can work daily on all i'm failing at as a mother, 
but harness all that i do well.
like the ability i have to grab a notepad to write down the latest and greatest quote from one of my children when it happens,
to later add to my organized and detailed 'books' i've begun for each of them.
(yes, i've started 'books' for each of my children, from the time i found out i was pregnant with them, to now.)
a recent quote from grace, 
"mom?  why do i have boobies?"
"you'll need those to feed your babies someday."
"but i don't want to have a baby come out of my tummy!  can you tell Jesus i don't want to have babies?"
"sure.  i'll see what i can do."
this conversation could've gone in a million different directions. . .about boobs, about babies, Jesus.
i left it at that.
or her other awesome one,
"mom?  did you know if you don't have a best friend your butt gets bigger?"
(i DIED over this one.  where do they get this stuff?!)
"yes, grace.  and that's why i have four."
(and it's not working.)
so between shuffling between the cool air of our air conditioned house to 
the cool air of our mini-van,
i do my best, i really do, to look for contentment.  peace.
finding respite in the cool air, between fridays, when the ice cream lady comes.
 (all i can hear when i see an icecream truck, is eddie murphy's bit about kids chasing after an icecream truck.)
and my kids are no different.

don't ask.  just wanted to wear a helmet with his diaper.
clearly it is the end of the day and mommy has thrown in the towel.

 here's to reprieve from this heat.  to ice cream, air conditioning, dreaming of cooler days, and staying in the moment.
(watch that eddie murphy clip if you need a laugh.  never gets old.)


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