funkin' winter.

Monday, January 24, 2011

you know what i mean, if you live in the upper midwest.
january slash february.
mounds of snow, negative temps, dry air that leaves your hands, face 
cracked in a million places.
or maybe that's just me.:)
although i curse it, because that's what i do,
my language is filth,
i'm not totally tired of it. . .YET.
because this is the new me and the new attitude i'm harnessing.
i know spring is only a few. . .50 something days away.
that doesn't seem too far, does it?
but when you're in the thick of it, 
the cold, the darkness, the post-holiday blah,
it seems a lifetime away.
these are the days when i have a hard time picturing the world beyond our kitchen window,
WITHOUT snow. 
(and yes, that is a little valentine's mobile that i made.  i was bored.  i was inspired by one of my favorite bloggers.)
it's hard to imagine.  that there's green grass, warmth and sunny days ahead.
like i said, what's different THIS winter for me,
is i know it's coming,
and that times flies, so we'll be sweating our ball(s) off 
and swatting mosquitoes away before we know it.
and although, often this time of year,
i find myself fantasizing (and even trying,) 
to be as lazy as possible,
lounging in my snowmobile suit, reading a good book with a block of fudge 
and decaf coffee as my audience,
oh, and let's throw in a hot, sudsy bath and diamonds while we're here,
and maybe some hunky, burly, bearded beast of a man, mike rowe, patrick warburton or something, 
and i'm sorry, but if you look at that last pic of patrick on wikipedia,
how FREAKISHLY like brian does he look?
or brian when he's REALLY smiling or laughing 
and his eyes squint super small and he looks asian.
and our kids do too.
his voice is just a TOUCH deeper than brian's.
oy. . .i'm sweating in my snowmobile suit.:)
anywho, what were we doing?  oh yeah.  fantasizing.
one of the aforemetioned hunks, 
rubbing my feet and singing to me or telling me stories about punches they've thrown, 
how they used to puke before every high school football game because they were so amped up,
some of the dirtiest jobs they've performed,
or something else manly that they've accomplished, some big truck they drive,
something they've broken in two with their bare hands.

(can you guess which one is brian?:)
but i look for the small joys now, this time of year,
back to that whole, 'living in the moment' talk.
like baking.
just because.
eating good food.  watching lots of movies.  getting outside in the snow when the temps are manageable.
or taking jack to hockey practice, which is EVERY frickin' saturday and sunday until march?!
but we do it.  and sitting there on the bench, 
in the most cold-a** indoor hockey rink on the planet,
watching these little 4-6 year-olds skate.
so dang funny.
they're getting good, with a year under their breezers,
but this past weekend,
i watched them, the dozens of them, lined up against the boards,
waiting for the coaches' instructions for their next drill,
and they would just fall.  just standing there.
even if they were leaning on the boards,
they'd just fall.  and usually grab on to their little buddy next to them,
bringing him down too.
and then using the sleeve of the next guy to stand up, 
bringing him down.
so funny.  
and this is the time,
where i'm coming to terms with things.
like my daughter's choice of 'activity.'
dancing.  she just loves it.
she lives in her leotard.
and dances from room to room.  she doesn't walk.
she pirouttes to the toilet,
leaps to the kitchen table,
tip toes down the stairs.
it's such a part of her, i would be a FOOL to deny her this one thing.
despite saying, 'we are done,'
well, we are not.  never say never. 
so instead of shoving her in elbow pads and shin guards and lacing up skates,
little pink tights and ballet slippers will have to do.
because she LOVES it.
and i spend much time laughing at her, because she's hilarious!  
(she got my wit.:)
and this is the time of year, where i try to stay two steps ahead of the 2-year-old,
who LOOKS for trouble.
he LOOKS for it.
the minute he knows i'm not looking or leave the room.
he's on it. . .trouble.
anything he can dump, spill, yank, smash, break, spit. . .doesn't matter.
he does it.
but these cold winter days holed up in the house,
i've come to expect it.  and surprisingly, don't react with rage. . .most days.
UNLESS, he's done everything and still isn't getting the reaction he wants,
and goes to his old stand-by,
peeling off his diaper and pooping somewhere OTHER than the toilet.
most recently his crib.
THAT makes my blood boil.
i'm sorry, but that one, i can't accept.  and usually has me spewing the worst of the worst curse words.
but then he's SO.DAMN.PRECIOUS.
and this isn't even the greatest picture of him.
this one is better.
not matter how angry i am, i feel so guilty for raging.
he is two, after all.  and wants attention.
and he'll look up at me with poop colored-blush on his cheeks,
and say, 'HI MOMMY!  SOWWY!  EWWW!  GWOSS!'
(that's 'sorry, ewww, gross.')
or last week, 
he'd been missing for a good 20 minutes,
but i was too busy to care,
draped over the stove attempting a decent dinner,
and he came running in to the kitchen, 
totally naked,
and yells, 'TA DA!'
like i'm supposed to be impressed.
but i turn away, back to my stove, trying not to laugh.
because it is winter.  and this is what we have to see us through.
humor and joy in the small things.  (quite literally, the small 'things.':)
despite his sweet, loving eyes and joy of snuggling with his mommy,
he does his best every day, and usually succeeds, in pissing me off,
taking my anger, rage, astonishment of what small children are capable of,
to a whole new level.
but i'm getting better.  better at not reacting.  at 'detaching,' as brian would say.
it's the reaction, the anger, the rage, the frustration, 
that feeds the beast and makes these winter days feel even longer.
and i know we haven't seen NOTHIN' yet with this one, 
as he's only 2 and does not yet know what he's capable of!
so, i'll savor these innocent moments.:)
and so i walk around this time of year,
sighing, sometimes cursing, 
uttering, 'ARGH.  BLURG.  UGH.'
for no reason.
just that's it's winter and 20 degree weather and some sunshine
feels lovely!
and that's sad.:)
but we make the most of it.
even when every day, 
between 4-6:30pm,
i don't anticipate it.
i don't dread it.
it just is.  but it sneaks up quietly.  
usually after a quiet afternoon of naps or movie-watching,
or snuggling with my girl,
all hell breaks lose. 
i don't know why.  if it's the dark descending, 
the fact that i'm trying to cook amongst chaos,
everyone has energy to burn off but we can't go outside. . .
for whatever reason,
this time of days slides under us quickly but calmly,
like when you're gingerly walking along on snowy sidewalks,
don't see that patch of ice underneath.
and before you know it,
your a** over tea-kettle and writhing in pain on your back,
staring up at the sky,
wondering what the hell happened?!
that's 4-6:30pm.
where some mommy's start to drink,
(or may already be drunk,)
start to pray,
or look for an escape.
but i go to a happy place.
(note:  fantasized place above,)
summer is only a blink away.
where this time will be filled with green grass,
yard toys, evening walks, margaritas, sand-filled flip flops 
more peace, widsom and pride in having survived another MN winter.


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