time for change.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

i've been busy & seriously lacking in motivation to write.
despite my laziness, my brain is still full.
so i'll spew forth some thoughts i've been having. . .
do people really change?
i mean, REALLY change?
i've been thinking about this a lot.
yes, alcoholics can become sober,
overweight can become healthy,
uninformed can become educated,
homeless can become employed. . .
carnivore to vegan,
but i'm talking even deeper here.
not that those things are magnificent feats for the person they involve,
but can WE change something about our personality, that we don't like?
not a behavior, but a trait?  or maybe there one and the same?
i'm getting all philosophical here,
but i'm all about personal growth, constantly wanting to learn more, to do better, be better.
but my GOD, it's not easy.  
one of my dearest friends and i talk SO much of 'JUST CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE!'
easier said than done.
you have a goal in mind, you see what you want, but getting there is a challenge, 
especially when it comes to your character, i think.  
i meet so many fabulous people all the time and always find myself thinking,
'ugh!  i want to be like that too!  how are they like that?!  how did they get there?  were they born that way?'
i can be pretty arrogant, cocky, selfish. . .a total-know-it-all.
and i think i was born that way.  i was bossing people around from as early as i can remember. 
i would organize and order the neighborhood kids around EVERY day, creating teams, games, lists, etc.  it's SHOCKING that they would listen and follow my lead.
but they did.  and they didn't question me!
(probably because they were terrified of me.  i don't blame them.)
i was so unbelievably bossy and demanding.
and i STILL am!  only with my children now.
i've lowerd my expectations of people a little (a little.  they're still pretty high.)
but can you ditch the controlling attitude?  learn to let go?  relieve the tension, when it's been a part of you for most of your life?
not sure.
i was talking with another friend on the subject.
an example, you can't change the person you married (and i don't mean substitute them for another model:), i mean you can't necessarily change their quirks, their stubbornness, their mind, whatever it is that sets you on fire.
but you can change how you react to them, your attitude, YOUR way of thinking.
but it's hard work. . .to learn to accept where you're at in your head, in this part of your life,
and then move forward as a new you, a more accepting, more loving, more forgiving, more free thinking self.
so that's what i'm wondering.  is it possible?  or maybe you just have to want it badly enough.
and i think something that will eventually come about, if what you're changing, never suited you in the first place.  if it wasn't making you the person you were meant to be.
it'll happen.  just takes time.
OR, i think you get to a point in life, where you've had enough.
where you just FEEL it's time to make a change, even if it's subtle, to everyone around you.
just like the recent election. . .
you just have a SENSE that nothing is getting done the way you were doing it,
so it was time to make a change.  it will be slow-going & awkward at first,
but the small changes each day, will create something even greater.



gabbygrace said...

Ahhh...the question can people truly change...I believe at our core, we are a set of certain characteristics that can be tweeked and improved or for that matter get worse, but at the core, you are who you are...that is just me though, LOVE the post and the thoughtful conversation, love you! :)

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