Friday, December 4, 2009

being a mother, a job i've accepted lovingly (most days,) wholeheartedly & with great pride & joy, well, you LIVE for these days.  let me tell you about it.
a mother of toddlers (for those of you who don't already know,) i'd say MOST days tend to run together, all the same.  wake up, hit the ground running (that means, no time to use the bathroom, shower or in my case, time to brush my long, always tousled hair, breakfast CAN'T get on the table fast enough, my 3-year-old daughter has changed her outfit 4X already in the first half hour her eyes have been open, noses are a runnin', emails are piling up, photos to edit but no time for that this morning, again.  jack's already annoyed with lil' sis, charlie, well, he's a sweetheart.  so he can entertain himself, my sweet baby, while i switch laundry, floors to sweep, but why bother, because they'll be trashed after breakfast, everyone in the car, 3-year-old HATES boots, socks, long-sleeve shirts, hats or mittens, so is running to the car barefoot & SCREAMING because she hates everything, undressing herself along the way. . .  get to school. . .blah, blah, blah.  it's the same everyday.  

AGAIN, i must reiterate, i signed up for this, WHOLEHEARTEDLY.  for those that read my interview with suzie sorenson of bees'netta, this has always been my dream.  to be a mom.  and BECOMING a mom/parents, has thankfully, been easy for us.  we are so blessed & i know that.

but as all you moms know, it's not glamourous, by ANY means.  and there are more days than not, with 3 kids under age 5, where it takes all of my strength not to walk out the door, get in the car & drive away, leaving them to fend for themselves.  they'd be fine, right?  jack knows how to load the dishwasher, pour drinks, do laundry, cut food up for charlie?  they'd be just fine!  (i tell myself that some days!:)  but the days when the INCESSANT whining, screaming, fighting, snot-nose, hacking coughs, poopy diapers, EVERYTHING starts out fun & ends in tears. . .AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  well, it'd be enough to send the dalai lama over the edge!!!

but then there are days like this.  today.  that makes ALL of that silly.  even WORTH it, to receive a gift of a moment like this.

i'm tired.  it's friday.  laundry just keeps piling up.  trying to stay on top of everything.  but have to sit.  just for a minute.  sit. 

and then i'm up, 30 seconds later, because there's no time for sitting.:)  laundry to fold. i start.  jack joins me, because he's a mini-me & truly ENJOYS helping me do the 'housework.'  (we'll discuss that another day, but i LOVED doing all of this stuff when i was little too. . .mostly looking for praise, i think.  anyway, i digress.)
he starts folding.  then gracie wants to try!  so she watches jack.  i try to shoo the kids away.  'go play!  be kids!  let me be!  i can do this, guys.'  
'no, mommy.  we can help.  we'll help fold.'  
and i stopped.  said, 'ok. that would be nice.'

i sat down in the armchair, folded my hands behind my head & watched my crew of little workers, take over for me.  BEAUTIFUL.  my 5 & 3-year-old FOLDING LAUNDRY!!!  peice by peice, laying each item of clothing out on the floor, folding it sweetly (no, not how i do it, of course, but in there own special way.  the OLD me would've stopped them to show them the 'RIGHT' way to do it.  that woman is gone, thank GOD:)  they did it there way & it was beautiful.  one at a time, delicatley folding jeans that were 4X their size, folding socks individually. . .HILARIOUS.  and i just sat & reveled in this moment.  (AND, my 1-year-old, oddly enough, was sitting quietly in the other room, flipping through a book!?!?!?!) 

harmony.  this is rare.  so i soaked it all in.  these moments typically only last a few moments.

but they really DO love me!  maybe i'm NOT ruining them with my constant yelling, disciplining, time-out giving & setting unnatainable expectations for toddlers, ways.  they DO want me to be happy & to help.  and they really DON'T mean to make me crazy.  i make myself crazy with my intensity & again, my expectations of them.  

an A HA moment!  they're not plotting to destroy me & just want to be loved, accepted & noticed, for who they are & PRAISED for their sweetness & thoughtfulness.

worth every minute.  

and the laundry has never looked more beautiful.

enjoy these recent pics.  going through some old files.  these are from the summer, but a few faves of a wedding i shot.  

AND, if you're listening & can hear this on your computer, playing my most FAVORITE Christmas music, the score from charlie brown's Christmas.  this runs in the car from the day after Thanksgiving until new year's.  oddly enough, it never gets old.  we love it.



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